Is Marriage For Me? Part 1 By Michael Agbamoro.

INTRODUCTION

Deciding whether or not to get married is a personal decision that depends on individual goals and beliefs. Therefore, it is important to know what you want from the union called marriage.

The decision to marry must be based on what you feel is right for you and your partner.

Definition: Marriage is two people (a man and a woman) coming together to become one.

HOW TO KNOW IF MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR YOU

Before we proceed, I would like to bring this to your attention. There are some things or elements associated with marriage that should not be enjoyed, explored or permitted outside marriage. For example, sex, children, 100% commitment etc. Hence, it is germane to consider marriage if you want access to those elements that make marriage beautiful. However, these elements should not be your main primary purpose for getting married but should be part of your primary purpose for getting married.

That said, let’s now review how to know if marriage is not for you.

1) Enjoy Being Single: if you enjoy being single, marriage may not be for you. It is not a bad thing to love being by yourself. It will be unfair to whoever you marry if you enjoy being alone. You will definitely have your lone time in marriage but you must have that sense of companionship.

2) Don’t Believe In Marriage Concept: If you don’t believe in the concept of marriage but you are living with someone as if you are married, you are deceiving yourself. You cannot be enjoying the benefits of marriage and don’t want to be married. For example, sex is for married people. Having sex outside of marriage is going against the purpose for which sex was established by God. It is ok to not believe in the concept of marriage. Likewise, it is ok for you to live without sex.

3) You Don’t Need Marriage To Be Fulfilled: Apostle Paul does not need marriage to feel fulfilled. However, you have to see marriage as part of the things that give you a fulfilled life. When you are married, your living of fulfilled life is tied to your marriage. If you don’t see marriage as part of the things that will give you fulfilled life then marriage may not be for you.

4) Not Seeing Marriage In Your Life Plan: If every time you make your life plan marriage is not included, that could mean marriage is not for you. If you feel fulfilled without being married then marriage may not be for you. Likewise, the benefits of marriage are not for you.

5) Having Impressions That Marriage Is Too Complicated: If you see marriage as an institution that is too complicated. Then marriage may not be for you. You enjoy being in a relationship but you think marriage is complicated. That is absurd! If you are not interested in marriage then don’t engage in a relationship or dating. The best you should have is friendship.

6) Seeing Marriage As a Trap Instead Of A Safe Haven: If you see marriage as a trap or you will feel trapped if you get married then marriage is not for you. Marriage should be your safe zone. Marriage should be a place of comfort for you.

7) Sexual Desire: If you don’t have sexual desire, marriage is not for you. But if you have sexual desire then marriage is for you. The only acceptable way in the eye of God to fulfill your sexual desire is to do it within the confines of marriage.

8) Hate Commitment: If you don’t want to be committed to anyone and you don’t want to care, love and be loved then marriage may not be for you. If you don’t have the desire to be in a committed relationship then marriage may not be for you. You cannot have a working marriage without being committed to each other.

9) If Living With Someone Is Not Your Preference: If you don’t like sharing a space with someone then marriage is not for you. In marriage, you cannot be single. You cannot live alone. The moment you get married your space gets married too. Meaning, your space becomes our space. Of course, you could have your separate bedrooms and wardrobes but it has to be under the same roof. It is called marriage and not “neighbourhoodship”.

10) If You Feel Too Independent To Be In A Mutually Independent Relationship then marriage may not be for you. If you never have to consider how your plans and moves could affect your spouse’s livelihood before making those decisions. Or it does not even cross your mind at all to consult them before making decisions that could affect your future as a couple, then marriage may not be for you.

11) Negative Perception of Marriage: If when you think of marriage all you see is just the negative sides of marriage, you don’t see anything positive about it, then maybe marriage is not for you.

12) Kids: If you dont want to have kids then marriage is not for you. The appropriate way to have kids is to have them within the confines of marriage. Do not allow yourself to be influenced by the world’s newfound method of having a family which is the cohabitation of a boyfriend and girlfriend with a child or children. Or should I call it Baby-mama and Baby-daddy?

13)Inability To Remain Faithful: If you cannot stay faithful to your partner then marriage is not for you. If you don’t have the capacity to stay committed to your partner then marriage is not for you.

14) Unable to Compromise: If you cannot compromise then marriage may not be for you. In marriage, you cannot always have it your way. That is why you must be willing to compromise. In a marriage, if someone is constantly having things done their way, then the other party is suffering because it is either they are left with no choice or constantly being bullied to accept whatever is given. If you can not learn to find a common ground to achieve your goals together, maybe marriage is not for you.

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HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION AND PROBABLE SOLUTION.

Question 1
I have lost count of the number of married men asking me out and that makes me wonder, is marriage worth it anymore?

ANS
If a married man is asking you out, that doesn’t mean marriage is not working. Also, that does not mean your marriage will not work. However, find the man God has made for you. Forget about the married men asking you out. Those promiscuous married men do not define the credibility of marriage. Change your mindset and focus on the impression that your marriage will work and you will find the right man for you. Do not allow yourself to be consumed by too many negative things about marriage because it could make you self-destructive.

Question 2
I have some guys asking me out and some of them are my spec but how do I know the one for me? How?

ANS
Your spec should be someone that shares the same value with you and not just how good-looking the person is. Also, know that the number of men asking you out does not matter. Pay attention to their intention which is to marry you and the relationship.

What to do:
1) You need to start praying for clarity.
2) Ask them the right questions.
3) You may want to involve your mentor, pastor or authority over you to guide you through.
4) Lastly, do not multi-date. It will only make you confused.

Only pay attention to men who are asking you out with an intention to marry you.

Question 3
I have a man who is asking me out. He is my spec and he is a believer but he is asking for sex.

ANS
Make clear your boundaries. If the man truly loves you he will respect your values and boundaries. Don’t just judge him and leave the relationship because he asked for sex. Set boundaries and expect him to respect them but if he does not then you can make your decision. If he is a good man, he won’t push you or tempt you to do what you don’t want to do. Rather, he will honour your boundaries, your values and God.
The principle is that sex must happen within the confines of marriage. Sex outside marriage is not of God.

Question 4
I don’t feel threatened that my pears are getting married but I am being pressured by my parents. I am calm and don’t want to rush into it and I know that marriage is for me, am I normal?

ANS
The important thing is you know that marriage is for you but it is advisable not to go into it if you are not ready. Marriage comes with its unique challenges just like your singlehood life. However, you should go into marriage when you are ready for it. You must be ready mentally, physically, spiritually and financially.

Maybe they are pressurizing you due to your age or family reasons. It is not a crime to be single but that does not give you free access to enjoy the benefits of marriage because it will be unfair to your partner.

Question 5
Please give examples of things to compromise in marriage?

ANS
There could be many things to compromise on depending on the situation and your partner. Things like food, location, apartment, job, and sometimes career decisions, space, and material things are things you would need to compromise about. You just have to always find common ground. If you are always having your way it means your partner is suffering.

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