A-Z of Dating Right Part 4 By Michael Agbamoro.

Welcome to part 4 of A-Z of Dating right. In part 4 i defined what dating is in a sane clime. Dating is not what most or some young minds, millennials and Gen Z, have turned into. I mean, it is not an opportunity to explore and engage in sexual morals and immoralities. Rather, it is an avenue to get acquainted with your proposed spouse, explore compatibility within a period of time and conclude whether to proceed to courtship.

In this edition we will be looking at the ‘Gs, Hs & Is’ to infuse in your relationship and the ‘Gs, Hs & Is’ to take out of your relationship.

In case you missed the first edition of the topic, here is a quick read

WORTHY OF NOTE

1) Be yourself. Don’t be fake. Be authentic. Own your identity. Don’t try to impress.

2) Do not marry someone who does not honour you and vice versa. Honour is given. Honour is not one-sided (Honour is an advanced level of respect).

3) You are both in a relationship to help each other to grow. Help must be mutual.

4) Your spouse should be able to correct you.
5) Being sexually intimate in a relationship blinds you from seeing who the person truly is. The bond between the two of you must be beyond sex.

6) Be with someone who inspires you. Build yourself enough to not just be inspired but to inspire.

THE GS’ OF DATING RIGHTS

GS’ TO INFUSE

Don’t Take For Granted – do not take for granted the wonderful things your partner does for you. As royalty, you must learn to express gratitude to each other. Be genuinely grateful.

Be Gracious – cut him or her some slack. Don’t be too dogmatic. Don’t be looking for faults. Learn to be gracious to your partner. Don’t be quick to condemn every mistake made. Note: being gracious does not mean being stupid.

Be Genuine – don’t lie your way into a relationship. Lying your way into a relationship is a huge red flag. Don’t pretend to be what you are not. BE YOURSELF. Don’t be fake. Be authentic. Own your identity. Don’t try to impress.

THE GS’ TO TAKE OUT

Grudges – do not allow grudges to pile up in your relationship. It’s good to deal with grudges but it is better to avoid grudges in the first place. Don’t focus on corrective measures rather focus on preventive measures. Be that person who tries as much as possible to avoid grudges.

Honour – do not marry someone who does not honour you and vice versa. Honour is given. Honour is not one-sided. You both must honour each other. Everyone deserves to be honoured. Honour is an advanced level of respect. Honour in relationships is not just verbal but demonstrative. Place a demand for honour in that relationship and be willing to honour your partner in return too.

Help – you are both in a relationship to help each other. Help must be mutual. It should not be one-sided. Help is being there for that person when it is needed. Help is impacting the partner’s life positively for them to grow and vice versa.

Humility – as a man you must be humble. You both should humble yourself. Don’t be with someone who is raising his shoulder to you as a man or woman. In marriage, you must be humble to each other. Marriage is a place where humble people serve each other. Marriage is a place of the highest humility. Your spouse should be able to correct you.

THE HS’ TO TAKE OUT

Harshness – do not be harsh on your spouse.

Humiliation – do not talk to your spouse in a way that brings him or her down outside or in front of your parents, children, friends or colleagues. No man or woman who honours you will talk to you in a demeaning way.

THE IS’ TO INFUSE

Intimacy – when you are in a relationship, cancel sexual intimacy. Being sexually intimate in a relationship blinds you from seeing who the person truly is. The bond between the two of you must be beyond sex. If you cannot establish intimacy in your relationship without sex it is a red flag. The intimacy that sustains a marriage is beyond sex. Sex is the last straw of intimacy and should be done in marriage.

Integrity – do not be in a relationship with someone who does not have integrity. Let your yes be yes and no be no and vice versa. Be with someone that matches what he or she said with what he or she does.

Inspire – be with someone who inspires you. You should inspire each other. Build yourself enough not to go into a relationship to be inspired but also to inspire.

THE IS’ TO TAKE OUT

Insecurity – be secure in yourself. If you are not secure in yourself, every positive feedback you get will sound demeaning to you. Being insecure will make it difficult for you to trust your spouse. Lived experiences can lead to insecurity therefore if you have had a rough past relationship experience deal with it before you get married.

Idleness – do not be in a relationship with someone idle and vice versa. If you don’t have a source of income do not think of marriage. If you are in a relationship with someone who does not have a source of income check out.

Insensitive – do not be insensitive in your relationship. If you are with someone who is insensitive, talk to the person. Let the person know he or she needs to be sensitive so that you wouldn’t be in a situation where his or her assistance is needed and he or she does not even know you are not fine.

HYPOTHETICAL SENERIORS AND PROBABLE SOLUTIONS

Question 1

How long should I chase after a lady I love as a man?

ANS
This is a very relevant question. It takes two to tangle. You can only chase but do not force her. You can pray about it. If she does not find you attractive, you should move on to other things that are important in your life. Do not waste your time chasing after women. Focus on God’s purpose for your life. If she is for you, you would not need to chase her too much. Use that energy to chase your dream. In the place of chasing your dream, you will find the right person for you. Do not lose focus because of a lady.

Question 2

What do I do for a partner that never appreciates anything I do for him? He always capitalized on the wrong things I do.

ANS

If it is a relationship, it is a red flag. You need to tackle this and evaluate if it is something you want to deal with for the rest of your life. Do not marry someone who always brings you down. As a man, learn to show gratitude for everything your woman does for you, including cooking you a meal. Don’t be in a relationship with someone who thinks everything you do for him or her is his or her right.

Question 3

How well can one deal with a partner in public? When the husband is a driver and the wife is the manager as in a working environment?

ANS
Never rebuke your spouse publicly. It’s your duty to apologize on their behave. You can rebuke him or her at home. Do not rebuke your spouse in front of your children, parents, friends, colleagues or anyone. Your job is to correct him or her privately even when he or she is wrong publicly. In a civilized environment, the proper thing is to correct the person in your office privately not rebuking the person in front of your colleagues.