Welcome to part 2 of A-Z of Dating right. In part 2 i defined what dating is in a sane clime. Dating is not what most or some young minds, millennials and Gen Z, have turned into. I mean, it is not an opportunity to explore and engage in sexual morals and immoralities. Rather, it is an avenue to get acquainted with your proposed spouse, explore compatibility within a period of time and conclude whether to proceed to courtship.
In this edition we will be looking at the ‘Bs, Cs & Ds’ to infuse in your relationship and the ‘Bs, Cs & Ds’ to take out of your relationship.
In case you missed the first edition of the topic, here is a quick read
1) You are a king you only have a relationship with a queen and vice versa.
2) Do relationships like royalty.
3) Re-evaluate your marriage. Begin your marriage like royalty.
Belief – you must believe in the person’s now, values and future. Also, it is important to believe in relationships. Don’t go into a relationship you don’t believe in. Never rush into a relationship. And be sure the person believes in you too.
Blessing – you must be a blessing to the person. Make up your mind to be a blessing to the person. That person has to see you as a blessing. Be a blessing with your action, attitude, conduct and everything. A relationship where you are not being blessed will not lead to a marriage you will be blessed. You must be a blessing to each other.
Building – you need to go into a relationship with a builder. Someone that builds you up and in return builds the person up. Both of you have to be building something together. Don’t be in a relationship with someone who does not care about your growth. Don’t be in a relationship with someone who tears you down. If you are in a relationship with someone who is not interested in your growth, you need to get out of it.
‘Bs’ TO TAKE OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Blackmail – never tolerate blackmail. See it for what it is. Blackmail is not the same as love. Don’t succumb to any form of blackmail, either subtle or not. When someone is blackmailing you to get what he or she wants in a relationship, it’s either you get it out or you get out of that relationship.
Bitterness – when you notice bitterness within your relationship, deal with it immediately. Don’t pile it up. Sometimes it is just good to let it go, you need to pure it out. Bitterness can be very subtle. It builds up gradually. Marriage is two people coming together perpetually and continually forgive themselves. You can’t hold grudges in marriage hence you need to communicate at all times. Therefore, if your relationship goal is marriage then you must learn to deal with bitterness in your relationship before getting to marriage stage.
‘Cs’ TO ADD TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Communication – you need to learn to communicate with your partner. When something happens to you or you notice something or have a gist, let your spouse be the first person to discuss it with. Learn to communicate your life, differences and everything. Communication cannot be overemphasized. No assumption, if you don’t understand, ask questions. Also, take cognizant of non-verbal communication traits of your partner.
Compromise – if you are in a relationship where your partner always gets what he or she wants, it’s most likely an abusive relationship. In a relationship or marriage, both of you must be willing to compromise. It is always beautiful to reach a middle ground. If you can not learn to compromise in a relationship it will be difficult to compromise in a marriage. You don’t have to always have it your way all the time.
“Cs” TO TAKE OUT IN A RELATIONSHIP.
Comparison – do not compare in a relationship. Never compare your relationship or marriage with what you see on social media or what your friends have because you have no idea of what is going on in the background. Comparing your relationship or marriage can be deadly. Never compare your current spouse with your ex or any of your exes’. As royalty, you need to be conscious of not being caught in the web of comparison. In your relationship, one of your goals should be to be better than your yesterday, not your past relationship, past life, your pastor, role model or celebrity. Only do that comparison with yourself. You are your competitor.
Controlling – don’t be controlling. Being controlling or being in a relationship with someone that is controlling can be very toxic. You will probably end up not having your mind. Don’t be in a relationship with someone that just wants to destroy your self-esteem.
‘Ds’ TO ADD TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Dependable – you must be dependable. If you are not ready to be dependable don’t go into a relationship. If your spouse does something wrong publicly don’t go against her. Support him or her outside and correct yourself behind closed doors.
Dedication – if you are not ready to be dedicated to your relationship do not do the relationship. Dedication means you are willing to go the extra mile to make it work. You must watch out, and ensure your spouse is dedicated to you before getting married.
‘Ds’ TO TAKE OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Dogmatic – meaning my way is the right way. A relationship is more fluid than static. Both of you must be flexible enough to evolve. Do not be dogmatic in your relationship.
Domineering – don’t be a domineering person. It can be toxic and it can be a disaster.
HYPOTHETICAL SENERIORS AND PROBABLE SOLUTIONS
How do I deal with a man who does not care about how my day went? I am considering walking out of the relationship. Should i?
If it’s a marriage, you can not walk away because he is not communicating. You could go for counselling. If it’s a relationship you can try to fix it. Both of you can try to find different ways to have this conversation. You could use wisdom to come up with fun things that could open up the communication line between both of you. Like 30 days challenge about things that you both like. Learn to deal with matters with wisdom. The only reason why he would not listen to what you are saying is if he feels attacked. Once a man feels attacked, he becomes defensive. Have a way of resolving issues in a subtle and caring way. When God said, “husband love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself for it”. FOR MEN ONLY – When you love your wife as you love the church it means you die to ego and die to yourself.
How do you defend your spouse in public when you know he or she is very wrong?
If your spouse did something wrong in public, don’t throw him under the bus but find a way to cover him without supporting the third party.
Is it okay to have preferences when dating as a Christian? For example, if you prefer going to dinner for a first date to going for a coffee? I don’t know why a lot of men always ask to go on a coffee date and some get mad if you want to go for dinner instead.
It is ok to have a preference but don’t get stuck in your way. You need to be dynamic. If you start by being stuck or can not compromise in a relationship then you can not compromise in marriage.
I talk to my partner when he offends me but he does not do the same.
One of the ways to deal with issues like this is by attending a service like this where you can learn to improve your relationship lifestyle. That way, he does not feel attacked. Or both of you can listen to audio or read books about relationships together. Seed planting – is a way of planting a seed in the heart of someone by making it look as though the idea comes from them. He may not be aware of it. So, just try to find a way to make him realize it. In a relationship, you both have to put in the effort to make it work.
How do you deal with a mother-in-law who always finds a way to cause issues in your relationship?
It is a stronghold and it is a topic that begs attention for proper teaching on how to relate with a mother-in-law. You cannot afford to give the mother-in-law a negative vibe or treat her badly. You must continue to be the best God has made you to be. 2) You need to persuade your husband to help you talk to her and help both of you get along. Your spouse comes first before your marriage. Once you both understand this, you will perfectly deal with your in-laws effortlessly. 3) Take it to God in prayer.