Everyone goes into relationships with expectations, and the hope is not to end up with someone who will always disappoint and dash those hopes – yes, including the really simple ones.
So far those expectations are healthy and communicated well enough, it won’t be too much to ask for your partner to meet them. At least, for him to make the efforts to always do right by you.
However, if you find yourself with a partner who always has a way of putting a dampener on your vibes and somehow finds a way to disappoint you at every turn, here are tips on how to handle the situation.
1. Context and the bigger picture
Be honest in your assessment of the situation; is this a regular occurrence or just a one-off situation?
Also ask yourself; do I also turn up for him. While the eye-for-eye treatment is no way to relate with each other in a relationship, it still does not make sense to cry foul when you are only getting the same kind of treatment you give him.
2. Are there acts of redemption?
Sometimes, these disappointments cannot be avoided on the man’s part. So what matters is how he handles the situation. His apologies will not count for much if he keeps making the same mistake, but still, before he gets to that stage where apologies no longer count; if he goes out of his way to make things right, it could be a pointer that he wants things to work.
It could also be your cue to give him a little more time to get things right. There just may be enough left in him to actually turn the situation on its head.
3. You need to retain your healthy expectations
That they are not being met does not mean you have to change your expectations or lower your standards.
Let him take you serious and step up his game.
4. Don’t make excuses for him
It is easy to find justifications for his actions, especially when you are trying to avoid confrontations or allegations of being dramatic or doing too much. However, you cannot afford to internalize your worries when you can talk about it and hopefully find a solution.
Allowing him get away with doing next to nothing in return for all the love, affection and effort you put into the relationship is not being fair to yourself.
In fact, according to Jill P. Weber Ph.D. for Psychology Today, “men who are emotionally mature enough and ready for commitment report that they want to be told directly by the women in their lives what they actually want when it comes to love and commitment.
“Working hard at a relationship and not getting much in return is not a healthy choice.”
5. Let him know you can walk away for real
You always have the option to leave. Keep in mind that you can leave and this is not really about threatening the other person; it’s about not giving away your power in the relationship.
You always have the option to walk away from something (or someone) that’s truly beneath you.